The Galleon, Volume 1, Number 1, December 1924 Page: 26
41 p. : ill. ; 22 cm.View a full description of this periodical.
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TTIE GALLEON
THE MAN WHO WAS
AFRAID.
When Joe Shutter lay on his
death-bed, surrounded by his
red faced, tearful children in,.
in their cheap cotton clothes and
his meek patient wife, who mov-
ed about the sick room like a
padded shadow, his mind began
to review his past life. It had
seemed for a while that he had
been dropping at a terrific speed
down a dark shaft that had no
bottom; but it was over now.
He was sensible only to a feel-
ing of fatigue. He felt perfect-
ly resigned; it didn't matter
now, he didn't care and said so
in a eak jerky whisper that
brought his ever watchful wife
out of her chair with a plain-
tive: "What, Joe, what?"
Joe made no reply; he eyed
her with a blank disinterested
stare. She was a good woman,
had always been an obedient
wife, but what did that matter?
He was leaving her now. He
wanted to tell her that he
thought as much of her as he
did when they were first mar-
ried; it would comfort her. But
it required too much exertion,
and besides, it was not exactly
the truth. Oh well, let it go,
there were other things requir-
ing his attention now. He must
attend to this business of dying.
His vagrant, restless glance
caught a spot of color, and lab-
oriously be began to count the
faded flowers of uncertain spe-
cie that blossomed in dusty clus-
ters on the border of the wall
paper, while his fancy toyed
listlessly with the vague host of
phantoms that rose out of his
past to greet him and bid him
farewell on his departure.
There was only one thing that
troubled Joe on his death-bed,
and that was a thing that hadtroubled him all of his life. He
knew that the grocery bill had
not been paid for two months
back; he knew that his wife
could not earn bread for the
brood of hungry little children
after he was gone; but he could
not help the fact that he was
dying.
No, it was not his fault, he
had held on as long as possible;
he had not shirked the duty of
living until he became too weak
to earn his daily wage. There
was a pleasant sense of detach-
ment from worry in the know-
ledge that he no longer belong-
ed to this world. Poor wife,
poor kids, but they were none of
his concern. He brushed the
worry aside; he wanted to rest.
But there was something else
that Joe could not brush aside.
It was that something that had
haunted him from childhood
like a hidden disease. He was a
coward, had always been one,
and knew it--better than any-
one else coui ever know it. All
his life he had fought to hide it
-this secret shame. All his
life he had feared that some day
some great crisis would face
him, press down upon him with
an immediate and awful respon-
sibility that would break his
weak mettle, and show his
shame and cowardice to the
world. Joe was afraid of fear,
he subjected his spirit continu-
ally to the inquisition of the
mind, found himself wanting,
convicted himself of cowardice,
and passed the fearful sentence
of eternal self-contempt. He
had never met his crisis, but
that, he told himself was mere
good fortune; he was a coward
just the same, and the shame of
it hll followed him to the brink
of the grave to point the finger
of accusation at his expiring
form.26
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McMurry College. The Galleon, Volume 1, Number 1, December 1924, periodical, December 1924; Abilene, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth137771/m1/26/: accessed April 27, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting McMurry University Library.