The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 47, No. 16, Ed. 1, Wednesday, March 29, 1961 Page: 3 of 8
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MARCH 29 1961
THE PESSIMIST
PACK 9
Whistlers Brother
. . . Laid Kanard poses agreeably for Pessimist Photog as
he accepts the warm "Bon Voyage" given him by the Yarghs
prior to his latest gallant episode.
Jimmy Reeves to Record
With ACC A Cappella
Jimmy Reeves renown west-
ern vocalist has signed an agree-
ment with Vernon "Mighty"
Moody to record an a cappella al-
bum with the ACC A Cappella
chorus and the Roman Quorum
it was announced by carrier pid-
geon yesterday.
Final agreement was finally
reached Saturday morning when
"Mighty" Moody announced that
Reeves had finally agreed to dis-
card his nicklc kazoo for a pitch
pipe and the right to snap his
fingers during the recording.
"WE STOOD firm though"
said Moody "On the point of tap-
ping his toe to the time of the
music. Choreography in any form
is prohibited."
"If you let just one person do
the two-step" he continued "then
the whole school will be wanting
Samba lessons in P.E. classes."
Reeves who has been a noted
performer on the Western circuit
for years won the hearts of all
right-thinking students and the
adminstration when he said "It's
about time we not only sent the
word to the far East and across
the sea but also take it to the
White Americans of the West
the true salt of the earth."
REEVES WHO had previously
stopped over at ACC last Septem-
ber to visit his son JB who is a
senior Elmer Gantry major on
The Hill said he had listened to
several of the A Cappella The
Roman Quorum and Pat Boone;
and he "made his choice of ac-
companiment In the best interest
of students faculty and exes of
the school."
Definite choice of songs has not
been made yet but Reeves indi-
cated that Included in the pro-
gram would be: "Give Me that
ACC Religion" "We'll Hang Bob
and Lynn From a Sour Apple
Tree" "Ave Maria" "Wonderful
Time Up There" "When The
Saints Go Marching In" "Exo-
dus" and several other extremely
provocative and religious num-
bers. THEME SONG of the album
which will be published on the
Burford label will be "I Was
Sinking Deep In Sin."
"Whee!" chirped Dean of Wo-
men Vera Geraldine Sikes when
she heard of the selection.
Moody said that he "has been
with the ACC A Cappella for four
years bringing much honor and
acclaim to the school."
All of the right-thinking stu-
dents especially Don Frieling
applauded.
Basketball Team
Plans Road Trip
Coach Dee Nutt's Abilene
Christian College basketball team
will board a chartered bus today
to go to an NCAA Small College
Basketball Tournament.
"At the present time we haven't
decided which tournament we
will enter; we think that we will
just ride around until we find
one that we can enter. I'm still
confident that we will be able
to got a bid."
The Cats have been continuing
practice since the end of basket-
ball season. "We have been get-
ting better all the time" Nutt
said ''and if we keep on getting
better there is no telling how
good we will be."
"If we don't get to play we
will probably swing back through
the South for some sightseeing.
We have a little unfinished busi-
ness in Louisiana but this time
we are going to take our boxing
gloves with us" Nutt said.
Kruisin' Kristian
Keeps on Kruising
By JIMMY BHOADBENT
Pessimist Hack Writer
Tricycles . . . Rockets . . .
Heresy ... an anomalous com-
bination? Maybe so.
But Laid Kanard ACC senior
from Moscow Russia a rare com-
bination of athlete's foot and
hoof-in-mouth disease specializes
in the anomalous. So to negotiate
the tremendous distance between
Pihsnezltic Gnidliub and Ttenneb
Muizanmyg last winter he did
the natural thing for him he
sat down and wrote an allegory
and forgot all about it.
Finally remembering his quest
after wading through a particu-
larly difficult passage about black
and white bluebirds Kanard dili-
gently set off.
"It took me about 27 days ac-
tual riding time" Kanard recalls.
"Not counting the time I spent
in Ecneics Gnidliub tendng to
some well . . . personal business."
For about a week he experi-
mented with a diet of chicory and
ginger ale which accounts for his
perpetiually wide-eyed appear-
ance. Formerly a student at the Hard-
up Technical Institute in Search-
me Arkansas Kanard trained in
the Project Mercury program un-
der the name of Baker perform-
ing so well that he was given a
special government tour as a re-
ward thus broadening his vast
experience.
This wasn't Kanard's first ex-
perience in travel by any means.
His mother once allowed him to
ride his tricycle down to the end
of the block and back. "It was
great really great" Kanard re-
calls. ACC Begins
Trek Back
Into Valley
"We are going back to the old
paths" announced Don H. Morris
Sunday. "Yes indeed and it's all
in the best interests of the exes
too' crowed Dean Garvin Valstine
Beauchamp happily.
"We have been heavily criti-
cized in recent years" squeaked
Morris "for moving to the Hill
from the old campus. The Alumni
are very disappointed and have
incessantly demanded that we re-
turn to the campus of the first
decade. The alumni are the only
ones whom we respect in matters
of this nature of course because
their knowledge is derived from
experience."
Morris related that arrange-
ments had been made to purchase
the Coca-Cola plant Woodlock
Furniture Co. Philpott Florists
the fish market and the VFW in
exchange for property on the Hill.
"Each of these firms will oc-
cupy a building on the present
campus" panted Beauchamp.
"Coca-Cola will be manufactured
in the Citizenship-Bible-and Ad-
ministration Buildings the Cam-
pus school will house the fish
market and most of the other
buildings will be torn down and
taken to the city dump except
the new girls' dormitory which
has been purchased by the Hilton
hotel chain.
The VFW will meet in the Col-
lege church building while we
will use the present VFW facili-
ties for our athletic events. Wo
are looking forward to our restor-
ation." All the right-thinking students
especially Jesse P. Sewell applauded;
Killer' Kylcer
Will Wrestle
Dr. Rex Kyker head of the
speech department at Abilene
Christian College has decided to
quit the speech teaching game
and go into the more lucrative
field of sumo wrestling.
Dr. Kyker said that he was sick
and tired of teaching speech "I
am sick and tired of teaching
speech" Dr. Kyker said.
"I have been interested in sumo
for some time and have studied
it for about three years. Last sum-
mer I hit the sumo wrestling
circuit for the frst time (using
an assumed name) and did pretty
well for a beginner even if I do
say so myself."
Dr. Kyker plans to leave for
Japan at the end of this semester.
History Conference Is
Great Gospel Success
At the recent History Confer-
ence in College Church Building
fifteen people were baptized four
came forward confessing faults
and one man was healed of his
rheumatism.
One of the fifteen was denied
fellowship after it was learned
that he had been sleeping and
"just went with the crowd" as
they moved toward the front. He
said he "thought the meeting was
over."
THE FAULTS confessed were
"little ones" as George Johnson
local wit and faithful disciple of
Polonius said "therefore I will
pray only a short prayer for
them." He said that "a short
prayer is heard whereas a long
prayer is heard shortly; or better
a short prayer than praying
shorts."
During the questioning after
the meeting a "wise guy" in the
crowd as Johnson called him
wondered if it were scriptural to
just have a short prayer for a
"short sin." Was it true" he ask-
ed that if I swear only three
times per week that I should
pray less than the persons who
swears many times per week?"
George answered tersely that
the "prayer should fit the sin."
THE MAN cured of rheumatism
was carried bodily out in the last
moments of the meeting after
creating a disturbance in the
front pews by shouting "omens"
FULL 30 MINUTES
Washing Time
Speed
Wash-o-Mat
J. J. Jowers
New Owner and Manager
1325 Troadaway
1st Door North of
Hill & Hill Motor Company
Chapel Awards Go
ToHjII-TpppeW'
V V-"
Who' Are Faithful
Winners of the first annual Cal-
vin Cooley Chapel Attendance
Award were announced in chapel
Monday by Dean Paul "Cheeta'r
Faulkner.
Capturing the coveted award
were Lary Sparkcr Breckenridgo
abstainer; Warren Williamson
Dallas divinity student; Bryant
Reeves Coleman gradual Bible
assistant.
Female recipients of the Sister
Award from Dean Vera Geraldine
Sikes were Judith McThunder
and Glyn Warwick friend of in-
fidels. "These students deserve the
highest (recognition possible"
quipped Dean Faulkner. "My only
regret is that we could afford only-
five cuckoo clocks" he continued.
When discussing the basis on.
which the sttudents were chosen
for the high honor Faulkner said
"For now we see through a glass
darkly; but then face to face. . ."
and "praise the Lords" incessant-
ly. In the confusion which follow-
ed the fifteen people baptized
were awarded gold watches for
coming forward. The gold watches
were later taken back in secret to
be used to entice others to "walk
the aisle" as Reverend Johnson
said.
During the mass immersions
one of the lecturers was splashed
by the Baptistry water. George
Johnson told him that "it did not
count" however.
KEN McDANIEL
Agent for
Republic
National Life
I- f
sai pink ft m
"For the Particular Person"
. -
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The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 47, No. 16, Ed. 1, Wednesday, March 29, 1961, newspaper, March 29, 1961; Abilene, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth91778/m1/3/: accessed May 1, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Abilene Christian University Library.