San Antonio Sunday Light (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 69, Ed. 1 Sunday, March 28, 1926 Page: 30 of 92
ninety two pages : ill. ; page 20 x 16 in. Digitized from 35 mm. microfilm.View a full description of this newspaper.
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I Zb UJI EP ICj ZmIBJ O 1 si S I
‘I and George’ By Nina Wilcox Putnam
— America s Only Woman Humorist *
AS Cleopatra the original Burles-
lesquc Queen once said in her
“Advice to Young Mothers" column
which she used to chip out for the
Prehistoric Daily Tab “Pack up your
troubles in your old kit bag and send
'em by parcels post to some dear
friend."
And how true that saying is eome
borne to roost with me the other day
just like a bad penny or a game chick-
en be]ong.r.g to the younger set comes
borne to reost with its mother when
the all-night clubs close up. In other
words tbs truth of Cleo the cigarette
t<rie remark rang tho bell with me
after a experience I had with Mabel
Bush the one who is married to that
Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club.
It ail commenced with me eating
canned minee pie the night before and
it being as the poet sayo. such stuff
as dreams ere made of with the net
result I woke up next morning reatla-
mg thoroughly where I was a com-
pletely sieundtrstood woman with
more trials then a Circuit Judge and
more troubles then a Mormosr h®*-"
band with a 3 yd. Xmas shopping list.
To commence with I didn't wanner
get up. Somehow I am peculiar that
way. I don't like to get out of bed
cold mornings. I suppose it's my ar-
ustie temper or my high strung ner-
vosa disposition. Our family have all
been terrible high strung especially my
great uncle who was a unfortunately
noted horse-thief—he died of it.
A BAD SAD tiCOKLD.
Well anyways I got up feeling I
must ol eaten the can as well ax the
mince meet and that my one regret
was that I bad lived through it. Hon-
est and truly it seemed like life was
just too much for me; I had more
than any one woman could bear.
To begin w ! h. here I hadder get t
Mother!
t
When Child Needs a Laxative
i 3
Give “California Fig Syrup”
. i
F 4 'x i
Hurry Mother! A tablespoonfu! of
"California fig Byrup" uow will
»wseten the stomach and thoroughly
elean the little bowels and in a few
hours yon have a well playful child
sain Eves if erow. feverish bd
csustiiwled or full of cold ebil
errs love the pleasant taste of (bis
gratis barmlws laxative. It natter
Jennie Discovers All Her Troubles Are
Not So Crushing After
AIL
up tn the morning. There wasn't no
justice in that and then when I bad
finally done so and moped downstairs
my face feeling exactly as if it was
done up in curl-papers the matches
went on strike and the kitchen stove
"It'a a total wreck but mr dear weren't we lueky though!”
wouldn't work. Also the milk man
didn't show and so I hadder get break-
fast out of the ice-box for George
that's my husband and for Junior.
Heavens knows I didn't deliberately
send them out to school and work on
cold turnips and Roquefort ebeese and
they needn't of acted like they did
about it on account there was many
a starving family in Siberia that Would
just go nuts over such a men! at
that minute.
Jksa to make matters more.^^
the postman come and what *buld
he have only a letter from Georges
mother and George commenced to
read it out loud. “Dear Son" she
says and he read “I>ear Son Well
I feel it is about time I paid a little
visit to . . .” Stop! I says George
Jules don't you read me another
word! I got al! I can endure this
morning without your adding any
such bad news. If you gotter read
that summons do so on the train.
So Geo. muttered something to
the effect all women was unreason-
able they oughter be shot mercifully
or something and went off with the
letter and s grouch. Then Junior
pulled another letter on me. This
one was from his teacher. He had
forgot to give it to me three days
«
1
HARMLESS LAXATIVE j
All Children Love Its i
Pleasant Taste
1 (
' cramps or overacts. Contains no s
' narcolies or soothing drugs. 1 1
Tell your druggist you want only j
I the genuine "California Fig Syrup"
which iuu directions for babies and I
children of al) ages printed on bottle. |
Mother you must say “California.'' I (
’ ; Rufuse any imitation j (
before and it was to the effect he
was behind with his work and he
certainly should of told me before
no'a I could of known he was be-
hind.
It seemed to me like Fate or
Juggernaut or some of them myth- (
ical fellers was deliberately playing
mo a dirty tnck putting mt it a
disadvantage with Junior's teacher (
threuga not giving me fair warning
to coach Junior up. Junior is a
»mart child. He's real bright only
his teachers don't understand him.
And this morning I felt was no time <
to show me any sueb notice about t
him. not with all the worries I al- <
ready had on my shoulders. 1
BM*«ONDAY SETTLES DOWN. *
Well anyways this was Monday |
morning see and I was due to
wash. I don't mean myself. I mean £
our clothes on account the laundress
hadn't showed. But tvhen I put the 1
boiler on the stove it commenced
frying at the bottom and spitting 6
at me and I positive never fry my '
clothes I don't believe in it. So it b
just seemed as if the boiler leaking c
and preventing mo doing anything ’
with the dirty clothes outside of *
plsying ennie-meenie-minie-mo with a
tbem which I bad already done was a
just too much sorrow and that ear- f
talnly nobody ever bad troubles like u
mine. n
But bad as I felt over al! them r
dreadful things I wasn't as yet ?
►miserable enough to be thoroughly
enjoying myself so I commenced
raking up old troubles such as that J
time when George forgot our wed- *
ding anniversary and the time the D
telegram come and I was afraid to ’
open it for two hours thinking ♦'
Mother was probably dead and then 51
it was merely from the bank saying f'
your deposit received. C
And since that wasn't enough to *'
get me dowa and out I laid off rak- u
ing up troubles and tried fine-tooth i:
combing for them recalling the
toothaches I used to have before I 0
had my teeth fixed and the bills 1 "
used to get after I had ’em attended “
to. And so with one thing and uir- 81
other I was about ready to cry and 8
would of done so if there had been
anybody around to give me one
word of encouragement. w
A CORNER ON TROUBLES. 01
But Hot Bozo! with Junior gone
to school there wasn't nothing to R
comfort me except the used break- tl
fast dishes. And so I decided that m
since they had apparently got dirty
to spite me I would leave them lay p
a while and run over to see Mabel j
Bush the one that'a married to that u]
Joe Bush Of the Hawthorne Club.
She was my beat friend and It t(
seemed only right she should share
iny troubles. w
There ain't many Women I would a
give the satisfaction of knowing how m
thoroughly miserable I was and of
course if she was to of told me I led t 0
a wretched life sad hadn't no luck n
and etc. why 1 wouldn't never speak tj
(0 her again that being the kind of yj
thing which is all right if you pull
it but if anybody eJae does it's a w
insult. However I wanted her to
agree with toe that I had the worst
time of any lady stu knew and that
I was a wonder to bear it all the
way I did.
tr
So with thia intent in mind and j
cocking up a little abuse on the part yt
of Goo. and that awful mother of his ic
and how she was coming to pay a
little visit but what she was really
I up to was to come and snoop around
and influence my husband against
mo and criticise the way I dragged
up my child and believe you me I
saw no reason why I should furnish
that woman with all that amusement
free gratis for nothing and feed her
! besides!
’ IN SEARCH OF SYMPATHY.
Well I put on my bat and a sad
expression and went out over to the
Bushes’ house and there what
would I find only Mabe) Bush laid
up with her leg in a sling. Why
dear! she says real sunny and cheer-
ful before I got a chance to open
my mouth. Do come in dear sho
says I’m delighted to have com-
pany. I am the most lucky woman
in the world here I go break my leg.
and first thing I know in you come
for a visit.
Yes of course it pains a little
but what of that. My but I was
lucky to get off with a broken leg.
it might of been my back or my
jaw even and only think then 1
wouldn’t bo able to talk. It was
sure fortunate my tongue didn’t get
sprained. Yes we went right
through the windshield and the car
ia in smithereens. It's a total wreck
but my dear weren't we lucky
though? The car wasn't paid for
sad the company bad just foreclosed
on it. Joe was driving it downtown
to give it up and my dear! Only
think suppose we had paid up on it
and the loss was ours. I do think
we are the luckiest people in tho
world 1
Just here Mabel paused long enough
to give the sunniest smile but not
long enough to allow me to get a word
in edgewise. And whatter you think?
ahe went on brightly this accident
come at the best time possible wa ac-
count Joe lost bis job and he hasn't
the faintest Idea t.Lare to look for an-
other one so he can be around tne
house all the time end look after rae.
MABEL AND LIDY LICK.
I’ll say thig is fortunate on ac-
count I could hardly get about to
take care of our Junior which he i«
down with the measles poor ch'ld.
I do think it's wonderful that he
caught them at this particular time
because he's been so well all along
I'm sure he'll get through them splen-
did and then he'll ba over and done
with and off my mind and I won't
have them to look forward to.
Did you know we lost our dog? she
says well we did and isn’t it lucky
it happened right now he would of
been baAing all the time. I couldn't
of stood it besides he wasn’t our dog.
we was merely taking care of him for
a friend. He was a big cater too
and a awful responsibility. He was
a Spanish Roach-hound—they are aw-
ful rare and very expensive am!
now. with everything turning out so
nieely why we haven’t that terrible
responsibility of looking after him any
more. And I says well you neem to
bar* lots of good news dear.
And Mabel says oh my yes but
yOu haven't heard the half of it. Di l
you know our garag- burned down
last night? Well ft did but were nt
we lucky the house wasn’t even
touched and aeeing the car waa gone
why we didn’t lose a thing only a
few trunks and some furniture Mrs.
Goofnak had stored there and only
think dear wc was planning fo fix
up some hot frames to raise mortgage*
in or raise mortgagee to put some
hot frames in I forget which hut
anyways wasn't we in luck that wc
hadn't done it yet? And the garage
made the loveliest bonfire you ever
saw just at the right time too on
account the electric lights went out
last night Just at the earns moment
tho fire started and I don’t know how
we could of seen to get supper with-
act it!
And then I went on back home feel-
ing kinds ashamed of myself and also
thinking where I was pretty lucky
my own self not to of told my ama-
teur troubles before I knew about tier
professional ones. And no soouer was
I in the house then who would call
ip on the phons only George and he
usd finished reading bls mother’s let-
tar.
bay darling says Geo. over the
wire if you are worried over mother
aiming to visit you neodn't any more
eke says in her letter she thinks it
la time ahe was paying a little visit
to the dentist and it you had let me
•ead you the whole entire sentence in
the first place you needn't of wor-
ried all day Over nothing.
And I says who's talking about
ironies I ain’t got one in the world
shat I said this morning still goes—-
lobody's got troubles like I have tor
the simple reason I haven't got any.
And then I buug up thinking bow
true the old saying is. “It’s always
larkest before something dawns on
rou!”
Copyright ISIS. l>> RvpuMla era.. ta«.» '
LISTEN WORLD! -:- -:- Ultimatums
• By Elsie Robinson ——
roR a really grand and glorious
feeling there’s nothing like issu-
ing an ultimatum.
“Gimme a raise or I’ll quit!” What
worker hasn't yearned to put it to the
Boss in just those few well chosen
words? What wife hasn't longed to
say:
“Put that vile pipe out or get out
yourself!” or “Choose between me an'
that dog—one or the other—you can't
keep us both!”
Yep it’S a great temptation some-
times but the big trouble with ft is
that so often the other fellow takes
you at your word:
“G’wan an’ quit” cays the boss in-
dependent himself.
And there you are—out of a job.
Or your husband may refuse to put
his pijie out and then what can you
do? You can't put him out unless
he happens to be a very small bus-
band and you're * very big lady and
even then you probably don’t want
him out.
Consider the case of the wife who
v rites the following — and wants to
make hubby choose between her aud
two police dogs. Think how einbar-
i Good Husbands Made Not Born |
By Ada Patterson *
•yHE bachelor girl spoke.
She had said “yes” when a tele-
phone message bads her “drop off at
our house on your way home. Roast
ham and sweet potatoes.'’
She liked a cosy home dinner as
who does not who lives ! n the formal
waiter behind the choir and boy to
open tho doorway of a hotel?
The feeble invalid mother and two
married daughters and the husband of
one of the daughters had sat about
the round table with Its pink shaded
candles. There had been soft Chatter
a story or two laughter and tho tall
man with the prematurely silver shad-
ed head had pretended to try to bor-
row a half dollar from his mother-in-
law end failed.
With the remark that b* proposed to
lead the march from the dining room
to the drawing room with the young-
est and prettiest Roman at the table
he had placed his strong arm about the
weak woman’s waist and steadied her
tottering footsteps through the hail to
her favorite chair. Carefully he had
placed a cushion beneath her feet.
He had asked if they would miss a
mere male from that superior company
if he withdrew.
“Not to find another man to drink
with and tell improper stories to.
That isn't being done In the new era”
warned the bachelor girl.
“No. I leave the room so that my
wife and her friends may tell them
without embarrassing me.”
The bachelor girl looked after the
tall straight figure until it vanished
behind the library door. “If he were
twins I shouldn’t be worrying wrinkles
into my fair brow at a desk.” she said.
This Restless World
rIE cat was staring at me in that
inquiring way which cats have
seeming to demand knowledge of my
inmost thoughts. “Well” said I. If
you must know I'm trying to think df
something to write about.”
Apparently in disgust nt the pueril-
ity of this reply the cat began turn-
ing aver a piece of coal On the floor
of the cellar to which I had gone for
the purpose of stimulating our furnace
to greater activity.
From the attention bestowed upon
this bit of coal one might have sup-
poaed tke cat to be an ardent geologist
who bad come upon some fare speci-
men from tbe Pliocene epoch. Ho
turned tbe lump first oh one side acd
then on the other studying it with as
much attention as though he had
never beheld its like before. Then as 1
remained silent he began an inves-
tigation of other objects showing a
Columbus-like pleasure in tbe discov-
ery of each.
Now. as a matter of fact every
inch of that cellar roust be as fami-
liar to tbe cat ae is a prison cell fo
a long-terra ocnvict. and yet his inter-
est In its details bss not fagged; be
is able to find bidden sources of en-
joyment in the smallest of familiar
things. Can the same be said of you
and me? la it not our habit to seo
only th* surface—thv face—of touch
by which we are daily surrounded?
Wpuld not some of what is called the
humdrum of existence be eliminated
if we were inclined to accept tbs or-
dinary and customary affairs of life
with less indifference than we now
bestow ?
Tbe daily journey to and from one’s
place of business would of necessity
become less Irksome if ono were able
each day to ward it as a novel ex-
raising it would be if he ehoae tbe
. dogs!
Dear Ekie:
What would you do with a man
who insists upon having his dogs in
the house? Mind yon. I don’t dislike
pets when there is just one of them
1 but thia husband of mine has two big
police dogs and as soon as he comes
Lome from work at night ho opens
tho kitchen door aud in they fly.
New Wool of Silk Waste j
A new yarn with th« warm soft feel
of lamb's wool is being made from
the waste productx of the artificial
silk industry. Tbe new “wool” is
shimmery and dyes in beautiful colors.
Combined with real wool in making
serge and other goods it improves
their appearance as silk docs.
Commercially the new yam is the
same as artificial silk for it is made
from scraps or directly from cellulose
or wool fiber by the Identical process.
There is also being manufactured a
wool-like product called “woolulose”
directly from vegetable fiber by a
“I should have married the other twin.
Mary's husband is my ideal man. He
was born a gentleman born a good
husband.”
The invalid mother turned a faint
smile and faded eyes upon the woman
in the trim one-piece dark blue gown
fastened with orange colored buttons
and with orange ruffles in her sleeves.
“There’s no such thing" she said in
her shadowy voice.
“Not literally perhaps mother of
my friend” began the bachelor maid.
“Not at all” repeated tbe invalid
with unusual stress. “A young man's
mother can insist upon his being civil
in tbe home. But that is only a slight
preliminary.”
Tbo bachelor girl took a low chair
nearest to the Invalid's wide one and
listened.
“It Ie tpic." The elderly woman
who lived owribe border between the
world and the next spoke with soft
insistence. “The wife makes a man
into a good husband. Mary made Jack"
a good husband.”
“But I saw the letters that came
from his mother and sisters on the
coast thanking him for his Christmas
gifts. Most men never think of Christ-
mas except to rebel against what they
call the 'grand annual swap.' ”
"Jack thought It was a bore until
be saw Mary working on Christmas;
gifts for her family. That made him
ashamed not to send his family any
signs of remembrance.”
“Bat I have been here when he call-'
ed her up from the office twice a day
to ask how she was and what she had
been doing the last few hours."
“He didn’t do that at first. Not
until he came home and found Mary
perience. By no possibility is that [
journey ever exactly alike on two suc-
cessive occasions. One’s surroundings j
can never be precisely the same. There
are dramas—comedy and tragedy—to ।
be constructed from the faces of those
varying types 6f fellow passengers en-
countered every day.
Our place of occupation—bank
store office workshop or what ever
it is—do w« ever as we reach it
realise tbe attractiveness it would pos-
sess if viewed tn rough memory from
a cot in sdme hospital for tbe incur-
ably diseased?
Our home when we return to it' |
Strange that we never before quite I
realized how much of tender inward
emotioa might o expressed in the
familiftr face of some dear one there
to greet us. And if as might be tbe
eate with some ot us we have Nacbed
au age when slippers are welcome to
weary feet are we as a rule mindful
of the many hours of comfort that
bare been brought to us by this old
pair Into which we are now tbruzting
our tired feet?
I like to see on tbe part of either
man or woman a manifestation of at
faction for some cherished inanimate
object. Ibe tender manner In which I
Lave seco an Englishman regard his -
pipe has filled me with a delight I
First affectionately patted then laid
at arm's length it was studied as
might be tbe picture of some favorc-i
maid. Old it unquestionably was and
long familiar to bis lips but from thia
very familiarity had grown its at-
tract! vencM.
Tbe tendency of the age ia to be-
come weary too soon of accustomed |
tilings. Kestlessnewi occasioned by a '
craving fur novelty has become a I
national characteristic; ever a demou l I
for ne . methods and increased speed !
of production. 1
Those big. noisy animals race
through the bouse jump all over the
furniture and make more noise and
confusion than a dozen children. My
husband likes it. He gets on the
floor and plays with them like a
six-year old. When I make a fuss
be is surprised and gets mad. When
be does finally put the dogs out 1
am made to fee! that I have spoiled
bis enjoyment. He sits by tbe fire
and mopes.
process distinct from that used in mak-
ing artificial silk.
I Tbe artificial fibers resembling woo!
i and sill: are the only textile materia!
that man has added to those provided
directly by nature. -Hia cotton grows
on bushes the silk worm spina his silk
tbe flax plant provides his linen and
the sheep and other animals his wool.
But man has improved In one way on
nature's textile materials for these 1
rayon fabrics are more transparent to 1
the ultra violet rays or abort wave- '
lengths of light which are so helpful i
in the cure of many diseases. <
chuckling over an entertaining memge
that had eome by telephone from the
man tbe was engaged to before she
knew Jack.”
“He pays her pretty compliments.”
“He didn't until she showed that
she enjoyed those her old friends paid
her.”
“I sew him squeeze her band to-
night under her napkin when be
thought no one was looking.”
"That’s because she told him tbe
prettiest sight sho bad ever seen was
a white haired man holding bls wife's
band at Palm Beacb. There were
tears in her eyes when she told him
about those 75-ytar-old lovers in the
South."
"Then he's an instructed-husband.”
Tbe bacbolor girl looked up from her
cushion cbair. The faded face bent
over her ruddy one.
"He’s an educated oni” answered
the voice that was little more than a
Corns Lift Off
You'll laugh! Lift off bard corns
soft corns corm between the toes and
calluses. It doesn't hurt a bit!
Seems Magic! Just drop “Free-
zone” on any tender touchy corn.
Instantly it stope aching; then shortly
Don’t let that
Double Chin
Worry You
Yes! It make* you
look years older but
Dr. Folts Soap Will Take It Off!
\ X 7ONDERFU L wrtnmaJ way Uk—alf FAT from pho— when
’ V it thorn unthoot l/Ktrnt other parh. Sciemtih formula
put up ittb oopvaaiaat aoap forta paah— away all axOMS fatt
M V TM? Km TCI
Mrs. M. SPERO of Brooklyn N. Y. waa amaMd that DR. FOLTS
SOAP not only reducod ber Agur. trot cured bw of an itch whleji
had mad. her nervous and irritable for tan yean. Her husband also
used DR. FOLTS SOAP and it worked wonders.
Deel Ist a SeubU chia werry too bestuM It adds ysare to yeur faae-don't
sUew Urge hips tic busts less er snasto arsvset yea tram wearing ths latest
Myles. Sunaly wash with DR FOLTa BOAP sad bring down year agars ts ths
easet tnsssuremsrts y»u dsslre. N» nsed to diet eserolse or sts drugs. Ta get
rid st those ngly rolls of fat make this almpls toil— Brerv waning make a good
lather with DP FOLTS SOAP and apply It ae par dlreetlena on porta yoa wlak
reduced. Mallee year meseuremeots before electing end toko them egeln eftav
two You will Simply be emaaad st tlui ehenge. DR. FOLTS SOAP H
GUARANTEED ABSOLUTELY HARMLESS remerkablo for ekih troublee
v’mplee.etc. lideerethe ekin of all b! emit he a and eruptlane—lt poeit fatly win
oat leave yes Bebby.r wrln'.lad alter the redmtfor.W be euro not to eoueat err
vibetitote whleb ylrt mean ta yon dleeppelntment—Ask for the ertgihel rednelog
Soap called DR. FULTS — yben u»»a ae ntaimetleet there ia no
If yonr «ngla fo ont of Dr.Volte Boa. yon een oand a check or Mney-order
dir act to tbe Srlentlr.e Rseearch Labaratoriea IMI Broadway «. Y. C. Dr. Pefta
Beep sails for Me. a cake er X tor BUD.
On Bale at Any of bomtnerr-Wagner’s. AlUr'a
McElroy's or Depot rber-naey.
We were happy until he got tho
dogs. Now he spends-all his time at
home playing with them and I'm tired
at it. I’ve just about decided that hv
ean't keep me and the dogs too. I
hate to spoil his pleasure but at the
aame time it is mine aa much ae his.
and. my house that is being scratched
to pieces. If this keeps up I won’t
have a atlck of furniture left. Be-
sides why should be consider those
dogs before me and my pleaaure?
What would you do Eleie.
"TORMENTED.”
Why don't you compromiea? If
it givea hlto pleasure to have tbe
dogs in the house while he is home
let him have them. You've got al!
day to run tbe place as you choose—-
let him have hia way in the evenings.
Use a little diplomacy end shift the
playground from tbe (Mtlor to the
back yard. Tell him it isn’t good for
tbem to play and get overheated in
tbe house. Get a dog book and you
can prove it Then if be tires him-
self and the doge out tearing around
outdoor for a while they'll all be con-
tout to ait by tho fire when they do
come in. Use your bead girl!
shadow. "One teaehea her husband
aa she does a small boy. Being a good
busband ia like having good manners.
It it a matter of training. Training
makes habits. Being a good husband
isn't heroism. Nor devotion. It's
habit."
"You teem fond of Jack.”
"I am. A woman could not have a
finer son-in-law. Nor a wife a better
hatband."
•’Thtn tbe successful marriage
meant getting aa good raw material
as you can and moulding it.”
The invalid smiled nodded slightly
crossed her hands on her silken lap
and composed herself for her nap.
"I shouldn't wonder if she were
right” said tbe bachelor girt an aho
tiptoed odt of tbe room.
"I know she is” Mary smiled at
the beam of light that thrust itself
upon tbe hall rug from beneath the
library door.
you just lift that old bothersome corn
right off with your fingers. It works
like a charm every time.
A tiny bottle of “Freezone” coats
only a few cents at any drug store-—
Try ft!
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Reference the current page of this Newspaper.
San Antonio Sunday Light (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 69, Ed. 1 Sunday, March 28, 1926, newspaper, March 28, 1926; San Antonio, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1631548/m1/30/: accessed May 25, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; .