The Brand (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 18, Ed. 1, Friday, March 25, 1994 Page: 2 of 4
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Abilene TX 798
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Opiaioas expressed ia The
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fcHsct the views of the imversky
fealty staff aad admuwratio.
AM taqaaies are to be directed to
The Krafts' by bmU oaly.
Comic Relief
ij-
with Russell Beasley
With all the double talk and
jargon constantly fed to us as
young adults it's a struggle just to
andersund a simple word these
days. It seems like only a matter
of time before an English to En-
glish dictionary will have to be
written to translate our own lan-
guage. Until there exists such a
dictionary I feel the obligation to
give you a crash course in mod-
ern terminology (no this is not a
lesson in slang I'm not going to
teach you to be "dope" or"deT).
So get ready for . . .
HBj 1954 Clarity ia Lan-
guage GkMMry (For Begin-
ners): Courtesy CaN: junk mail by
telephone. (If they were really
being courteous they wouldn't
call me when I'm watching Sally
Jesse Raphael.)
Educational Films: the educa-
tional system's version of the
Encore channel. (Films shown in
classrooms arc certain to be pulled
from the vaultsof the 1960s '70s
and '80s.)
Quality Entertainment: speed
bumps for your remote control
(These programs slow viewers
down just enough so they don't
pass by somethingelse that's actu-
ally worm watching.)
i
Curbs: speed bumps for four-
wheel drives. (Why are speed
bumps named that anyway?
Wouldn't slow-down bumps be
more appropriate?)
Frieftdty Competition: weapons
optional (sorry Nancy).
LosABgeksEarthukc: spank-
ing from God.
Priority: loyptoniteforprocrasti-
nators. '
Political Correctaesa: a disease
unique to liberals and over-the-hill
rock stars.
Science Fiction: health care re-
form. Human Sacrifice: giving up my
day off to write this stuff.
Gun Control: aiming straight
when you shoot
Hate Male: Louis Farrakhan.
Illegal Alien: any foreigner in
this country who hasn't hit it big
in show business yet
Government Warning: Demo-
cratic inauguration.
AcrJoa-Packed Movie: over 100
confirmed kills at least 80 acts of
physical torture and no less than
1000 instances of just random
senseless violence in general (and
that's just by the good guy).
Ghetto: Nix Hall third floor. '
Community Property: the White
House.
Sacrilege: missing an episode of
Rush Limbaugh (Megadittos).
Drought: a shortage of margarita
mix at the Kennedy compound.
Henchman: Janet Reno.
As you can see it's a new
world. It's a new language. It's a
bunch of bull that I just made up.
Guest Editorial:
Kimberly Cornutt
Is it the right of the people in
the music industry to be able to'
do or say whatever they want in
public or is it the public's right
not to have to see or hear it?
You might have been one of
the many who watched the
Grammy Awards March 1st
There was some good entertain-
ment but that's not the only
thing you can expect to see on
Award's shows these days.
AsyouprobablyknowU2's
"Zooropa deserved the
Grammy for "Best Alternative
Album." U2 has entertained us
I with their creative style and pro
phetic lyrics for over a decade.
They deserve some recognition
jbr it but do we the public.
Who has the right?
deserve to be taken advantage of?
When Bono stepped up to the
microphone to accept the
Grammy he said among other
things "we want to continue to
abuse our position and f up the
mainstream.' As he and others
abuse their positions they take
advantageofus the listeners. They
not only think that they can say
anything they want butthey know
we are going to keep buying their
music no matter what they do.
It was obvious that Bono didn't
care about the people who put
money in his pocket when he
very insincerely apologized for
his remarks. He doesn't care
about how he effects listeners es-
pedally the youth or how he rep
resents the music. What's sad is
that they started out primarily
as a Christian group.
There are many groups and
individuals who take advantage
of their success in a negative
way while they could be using
their influence for the better.
You probably remember Guns
n' Roses pulling a quite similar
stunt a couple of years ago. The
question is are we going to keep
putting up with it? The only
way to stop these arrogant atti-
tudes is to stop supporting them.
That means we've got to stop
buying and listening to their
music. Maybe then they'll get
the hint
i
V
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The Brand (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 18, Ed. 1, Friday, March 25, 1994, newspaper, March 25, 1994; Abilene, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth97589/m1/2/: accessed May 6, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Hardin-Simmons University Library.