Scouting, Volume 78, Number 4, September 1990 Page: 16
98, E1-E12, [8] p. : ill. (some col.) ; 28 cm.View a full description of this periodical.
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Family
Talk
A family talk with
your children for an
hour or so each week
can enrich all of your
lives. Each issue we'll
offer a subject that
might be of interest
to you. We also
welcome your ideas
for future family talk
columns.
BY MARGARET GIBSON
Dr. Margaret Gibson
is a teacher,
counselor, and
educational
consultant. She is
currently on staff in
the department of
learning and teaching
at Rutgers University
and conducts
workshops for
teachers and parents.
She received her
doctor's degree in
education from
Rutgers University,
N.J. She and her
husband have two
married children and
four grandchildren.
WISE CHOICES
FOR DEVELOPING
RESPONSIBILITY
L
ECTURE 101, MOM," JEFF SAID
as he hurried out the door.
"Hold it!" I called. How could my son leave the
house without a reminder? Actually, I always had
reminder-instructions on how to behave at a
friend's house, caution to keep the curfews, ad-
vice about studying in school.
I breathed a sigh of relief when Jeff returned,
but to my surprise, he just repeated, "101,
Mom," and again started to leave. When I asked
for an explanation, he replied, "I've heard the
lectures so often, I've numbered them. All you
have to say is '101' when I'm going to a friend's
house and I'll know you mean 'Don't stop to talk
to strangers,' and all that stuff. We don't have to
waste time." Obviously, lecturing is a waste of
time!
Commanding is not effective either. Gary had
not been finishing his homework. Dad tried to
help.
Dad: "Do your homework now, Gary, so it's
sure to get done."
Gary: "I will, I will."
Dad: "Now!"
Gary: "Stop nagging me."
A wise choice for Dad is to give Gary an op-
portunity to be responsible for himself. Dad:
"Gary, if you are not going to finish your home-
work tonight, you can set your alarm for an hour
earlier tomorrow."
One of the most frequent concerns I hear from
parents is, "The more we tell our children what to
do, the more they rebel." Coincidentally, one of
the most frequent concerns I hear from children
is, "Our parents are always bossing us around!"
If children are going to be accountable, they
should have some choice in making the commit-
ment. If Gary doesn't finish his homework that
night or the next morning, Dad will ask him to
choose what he will give up to finish his home-
work that day—TV, visit to a friend's, etc.
Parenting is communicating: Listening to chil-
dren's opinions and suggestions, telling children
how great it is when they show responsibility.
Here are some activities that can motivate respon-
sibility among family members:
Happy Talk: The first item on the agenda when
the family has a meeting is "Happy talk." Each
family member, takes a turn to compliment an-
other member until every person has given and
received one compliment. It can be a statement of
thanks, appreciation, or recognition of something
positive someone has done. "Thanks for driving
me to baseball, Scouts, swimming, and the li-
brary this week, Mom." "Congratulations on
making the soccer team, Doug."
As the chore turns: Create a chore wheel and
rotatel Together parents and children list what
chores need to be done. Some chores are not
transferable (driving to the supermarket, for ex-
ample). Many chores are transferable (setting the
table, making beds, loading the dishwasher).
Draw a circle on a large piece of paper, and
divide it into six or eight segments. In each seg-
ment write a chore. Make an arrow spinner and
attach it to the circle. Take turns spinning the
arrow for a different chore each week. Trade-offs
are permitted by mutual consent, but every per-
son is ultimately responsible for the chore finally
chosen. Parents rotate chores whenever possible!
Calendar capers: Each bedroom has a wall
calendar. Spaces for each day are large enough to
write in chores, tests, book reports, and other
special events children need to remember. Satur-
day or Sunday evening can be "calendar caper"
time for the week, time to bring the calendar up to
date. But events can be recorded as soon as they
are known. If children are sharing a calendar,
each child should choose a different color for his
or her entries.
Send a message: When children have com-
pleted chores on time, met a project deadline, or
otherwise have shown responsibility, send a mes-
sage with a Smiley face. A written message lets
the children know parents really appreciate their
efforts. "Smilin' Sam" should appear regularly:
in a lunch box, on a bed pillow, or in an envelope
on the dresser. Example, "Dear Gregory: The
basement really looks great. All that hard work
sure paid off. There's so much more room to play
now that the toys are all on the shelves." If any
one of the children has not had a message in
several weeks, get Smilin' Sam out of hiding! And
find something positive.
Parents are teachers. Ralph Waldo Emerson
said, "The secret of education lies in respecting
the pupil." A wise choice for parents is to involve
children as part of the solution, not just as part of
the problem. ■
16
September 1990 Scouting
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Boy Scouts of America. Scouting, Volume 78, Number 4, September 1990, periodical, September 1990; Irving, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth353668/m1/16/: accessed May 1, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Boy Scouts of America National Scouting Museum.