The Menace, an Exposition of Quackery Nostrum Exploitation and Reminiscences of a Country Doctor Page: 99
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Chas. D. Dixon, M. D.
ates. He smiled. When I demanded to know why he had
smiled, he said, "Oh nothing.' Then I began to find out
that doctors were hard to get along with too. It seemed
strange that everybody had suddenly began to be peevish
and to show nothing but an unpleasant side.
"It made me feel lonesome in the world. I began to try
to find people who were still sweet and unspoiled, but I
soon saw that they were mighty scarce. Each day the
world was getting to be more and more lonely for another
sweet tempered person. I wanted a companion. Feeling
sure that the doctor had not diagonsed me right, I went
back to my work, determined to wear out my trouble, but
my stomach kept getting heavier. It soon began to feel as
if they had tossed a couple of scale weights in too. Then
I went back to the doctor to see if he wouldn't examine me
more carefully and really tell me what was the matter. He
looked me over carefully, asking me to describe my pains.
I described them cheerfully; there was nothing I liked bet-
ter than to be called on to describe my pains. The only
trouble was that people didn't call on me much, they were
that selfish.
"At first I didn't have any pains, but after I began to
look for them I could find them on every side. They sprang
up thick and fast. Whenever I had a minute to myself I
would look around until I could locate a new pain, and then
corner some friend and describe it at length. If the friend
started in to tell me that he had once a pain like mine, I
could show him in a minute how much worse mine was than
his ever was.
"I began to pride myself on my new and unusual pains,
but people to tell them to, grew scarcer and scarcer. As I
described my pains to the doctor, his face began to grow
grave. 'It is as I had feared,' he said, trying to be calm so
that I could not detect his agitation. 'You have a touch of
pyrosis, a trace of cardialgia, a well developed case of
gastrodynia and a touch of inflamatous mentalitus.'
"No time must be lost-I am glad that you came to me
before the case became aggravated. 'And here you thought
it was indigestion,' I said with a touch of sarcasm. I hated
to say this, but I wanted him to know that he could not99
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Dixon, Chas. D. (Charles D.). The Menace, an Exposition of Quackery Nostrum Exploitation and Reminiscences of a Country Doctor, book, 1914; San Antonio, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth143569/m1/117/: accessed May 7, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting University of Texas Health Science Center Libraries.