Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 22, No. 35, Ed. 1 Friday, January 13, 2006 Page: 38 of 60

                                
Emergency
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Clinic
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3337 N. Fitzhugh Ave @ Buena Vista
Dallas, TX 75204
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■sty 11 advice
When is fall disclosure necessary? n
J m
Guilt about playing around can unzip terms of blossoming relationship
Dear Candy,
So my date and I were at the Magnolia enjoy-
ing "Brokeback Mountain." Halfway through,
the guy on the other side of me slid his hand from
the armrest to my thigh. I froze and kept my eyes
glued on the screen while the guy advanced to
my package. He didn't unzip any-
thing, but his interest aroused me.
All the while my date
munched on popcorn, oblivious to
the molesting stranger. When the
credits rolled, Mystery Man left
without a word. We also left, and
later my date and I had raunchy
cowboy sex.
I feel guilty that I never men-
tioned Mr. Mystery Hand to my
date. And when we hook up, I fan-
tasize about being fondled in a
dark theater. I can't bring myself
to confess, and I'm wondering if I
should break it off and go look for Mystery Man.
—J. D.
Dear J. D.,
You sure got a lot out of that movie. The seri-
ousness of your dating relationship will guide
whether or not you should tell him about Mystery
Man. If it was a first or second date, you don't
owe him a confession. But if a blossoming rela-
tionship is in the works, you should tell him.
Feeling guilty usually means there's a con-
nection between you and your date. Telling him
about what happened lets him know what makes
you tick and it gives you both an opportu-
nity to make decisions about the relation-
ship. It sounds like you have more "playing
around" to do before having a serious rela-
tionship. Have fun and be safe. Good
luck.
Candy Marcum Counselor's Corner
Oear Candy,
I'm not able to devel-
op meaningful friend-
ships. I only have one
friend: She's straight,
and I am gay. In the
hopes of making new
friends, I joined several
queer groups, but it never
works out.
I'm not overly shy, but I
don't just chat people up
because I'm afraid people will
think I'm prying. I do most
everything alone except for when I'm with my
best friend, which leads to a second issue: meet-
ing someone for a relationship.
Ten years ago, I was in a year-and-a-half rela-
tionship and haven't dated anyone since. I don't
like going to bars because of the smoke. Plus, I
have no one to accompany me, and being alone
in a bar can look funny.
If I could make a few meaningful friendships,
I think I'd be happier. And hopefully, my happi-
ness would lead to a lasting relationship.
— Lonely
IM WfTM
&0R6E0IIS
Dear Loneiy,
You're too focused on how others perceive
you. If folks misinterpret your motives, correct
them. If you're standoffish people will leave you
alone.
I support your desire to have lasting gay
friendships. But don't get in front of the process
by second-guessing what people will think about
you. You are impeding the process of making
connections. Make eye contact. Smile. Talk to
people. Good luck.
Candy Marcum is a licensed professional
counselor in private practice in Dallas.
/ niriil DearCanclyLetters@aol. com
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38 I dallasvoice.com I 01.13.06